Over the last 16 years I’ve helped hundreds and hundreds of students and their families get ready for finals. Here are some specific strategies that can help you and your student have an easier time with the stresses of finals.

Here are 4 strategies to make finals more successful for you and for your student.

1. Set firm noes (and yeses) 🚫

Help your student set good boundaries when it comes to studying, eating and sleeping both before and during finals. And don’t be afraid to stick to your guns - teenagers are programmed to push the boundaries and think you’re the dumbest adult on the planet (don’t worry, you’re not!). Keep an eye out for places where you can give a strong yes and help support the good things they’re doing. Highlighting the good decisions can increase the likelihood that they will follow through and do it again next time (even though they might roll their eyes or pretend not to hear you).

2. Failure is ok.   ☄️

This one is tough. No parent wants to see their child fail. However, natural consequences of not getting sleep or not studying or drinking 3 RedBulls and slamming cheeseburgers for 4 days straight will happen. Sometimes it’s better to let the consequences play out rather than nag your teen. When the consequences DO happen, and they will hurt, this can open the space for working together to make a better plan for next time.

3. Communicate then support. 🗣️

Giving your student the gift of making some of their own decisions, or agency, can go a long way to avoiding a devastating finals performance. When possible position yourself as the conductor who can help make finals time run more smoothly. For example, are there snacks that could be in the house. Are there house quiet times that could be set? Are there chores that could be scheduled differently? There might be things that you’d be happy to do that would really help them feel like they can do their best work. Plus, giving your support builds trust for you to make some asks in return.

4. Monitor self talk. 🙊

How we talk about ourselves and to our selves has a big impact on our performance. Keep an ear out for negative self talk and point it out immediately. If your student is talking down about themselves - calling themselves stupid or telling themselves they can't learn something - help them to find better ways to express their frustration. This isn't just a fake hype session. The best self talk is two things: honest and open to change. For example, instead of calling themselves 'stupid' maybe they can honestly say that they are 'overwhelmed' or 'not prepared.' Then maybe they can decide that focusing and finishing their study guide would address the problem and help them make progress. Monitoring and encouraging positive self talk is huge for building your student’s confidence and supporting their academic performance.

Ultimately, navigating the stress of finals is likely to be a challenge for everyone. However, using these 4 strategies can help make everyone - students and parents - feel heard and supported while striving for academic success.